Mud Monsters October 2019

Have you ever had mud squelch up between your toes and splatter your legs; that really oozey, smelly, sticky mud. Well that was the mud of Mud Monsters today – 5km worth. And just in case the mud wasn’t grosse enough they added several water pits along the way.

We knew it was going to be a good run as we entered the parking field and watched several cars slide helplessly down the hillside.

One by one, our team arrived looking clean, well groomed and fresh. Anita even had full makeup and must have been one of the most glamourous mud runners at the event.

The boys were cavemen by comparison … and I mean that literally (shame we didn’t a get photo of the FULL ‘leotard’ suit Gimmi!) Update … I found a photo!

It was the same girl doing the warm up as last year and she was just as good. The music started and she started her warmup routine. As most of us were at the back we couldn’t really see what we were meant to be doing but we all enthusiastically flailed our arms and legs … and almost in time with the music too. Wedson decided it would be a good idea to pick me up and spin me around. As his legs buckled under the weight I could see him re-evaluating his decision.

As we started the run, everyone was clean and it would appear that they wished to remain this way as they side stepped the tiny puddles. I chuckled to myself knowing the ‘mud pit of doom’ was ahead. This was a series of three vertical sided pits full of chest high mud slime. Everyone looked fab getting in … but they wouldn’t manage to look so clean getting out.

Once in, there was no way to get out other than be dragged by a friend or pushed by stranger. Not wanting anyone’s hands on my derrière I frantically grasped a hand and was unceremoniously dragged out.

This was obstacle 3 of 65 and this is where the rib tickling, side splitting laughter started.

The next obstacle was another mud pit so I kindly offered my knee for my Amanda and a couple of random strangers to use to get out the pit. I was repayed with several splats of mud flaying off trainers and hitting me squarely in the face. I didn’t get any sympathy as everyone just pointed and laughed.

We ran on through the woods and several more mud pits until we came to the water slide. This has to be everyone’s favourite. Wedson managed to contain his excitement and only went down it once this year. The water was cold but relatively clean we we started the next part of the course cold but clean.

Hold on – I spoke too soon – around the next corner was a well worn mud slide finishing in a swamp. We nervously looked at each other waiting for someone to volunteer to go first. Kajtas drew the short straw! His technique was to shuffle down slowly but within seconds he found himself speeding towards the inevitable. Out of control he was plunged deep under the thick mud.

There was nothing for it but for the rest of us to follow. We all emerged at the other side totally covered in mud but laughing hysterically.

Next came the tyre wall – a 20ft high wall strung with tyres. Anita made it to the top and then decided she was going no further. She was cold, dirty and wet – although she still looked fab with her bright red lipstick.

The team managed to coach her down with the lure of showers at the finish. No one mentioned they were cold!

We came across a sort of plank swing obstacle and now was my time to shine having practised this at my son’s playground! I got on and started rocking the swing back and forward laughing hysterically as I did so. I thought my team were behind me but when I heard a shriek I realised that it was some stranger who really wasn’t very impressed with my childish antics!

We did a gently warm up jog to the next obstacle and surprise surprise – it was another mud pit. There were two mud slides into this one – one which was very steep and one which had a large butt splitting stone right in the centre. With wide eyed horror we all chose the steep slide – except for Noemi.

She hit it at speed and was catapulted into the air before landing in the mud. We all thought she was totally mad and rushed to her aid asking why on earth she took that slide. Apparently she hadn’t seen it and didn’t feel it and with a devil may care laugh she ran on to the next obstacle leaving us all speechless.

We had to walk through a river, crawl through a tunnel and then wade through very deep water next and by this point it was blooming freezing. A mum and 12 year old were charging past like titans putting us all to shame so we attempted to pick up the pace – but that only resulted in Markos getting a dunking!

As the water was relatively clean – (compared to a mud pit) – I took the opportunity to wash my face which caused raucous laughter amongst the guys!

Especially since the next obstacle was … you guessed it … another mud pit. By this point the boys were either overly confident or numb with cold as they jumped into the centre. But mud has a way of not playing fair and managed to know I them both off balance!

A small queue had formed at the exit as others tried to climb out but just slid right back in. A lovley curvy lady was ahead of me and struggling. I thoughtfully stepped back to give her room but she turned around and yelled ‘give me a push please’. No time to be shy … I placed both hands on her ample buttocks and shoved! Success! She was out but as I mentioned … no one touches my backside so I quickly yelled for her to pull me out too. Dignity intact we all jogged in.

The team in the meantime had found a bunny to play with.

The music at the finish line was starting to get louder. We new it must be close to we picked up the pace. Two underground tubes presented as the next obstacle which was perfect for the girls but we were a little concerned that Markos may get stuck. As his head approached Anita, who was still laughing by the way, called for us to pull him out. Markos is a big guy. The lads looked at him and each other and then ran off … leaving him to his fate!

The girls deciding they would be no help in getting him out also ran off and left him! You certainly find out who your friends are on an event like this.

He did finally get out of the tubes and finished the course in style!

Finally, we rounded the next corner to see the finish … a quick regroup and t-shirt check to avoid belly faces (see mud monster 2018 post) and we were ready for a sprint finish with smiley faces for the camera!

The fabulous Amanda from Upper Scale was on the finish line cheering us on with camera in hand.

Also at the finish was the super speedy Svetlana, Antonio and Itor. They had sprinted the course in record time making us all very proud.

We grinned with glee as we got our finish photos taken. The it was off for a quick cold shower and into the changing tents – a new addition this year and very welcome!

With mud clad hair, stone filled underwear and no makeup (apart from Anita whose lipstick was still perfectly intact), we headed to the picturesque The Wiremill Pub for Sunday lunch.

It’s was a perfect finish to a unique mud filled fun day. What was also incredible was that some of the team had brought family as both spectators and entrants. We are so grateful to have been able to share the day with them.

Thanks to Mud Monsters, Epic Action Imagery and the marshalls – especially fizzy cola bottle guy on top of the climbing frame. We will be back in June 2020.

Thanks also to our amazing suppliers and sponsors.

Upper Scale – Brilliant effort Amanda. Thanks for join us. Can’t wait to see your whole team at next years event!

Equinoxe Solutions – Thought an ex marine would have been there to show us how it’s done. Next year?

Pure Foods – Tom – what happened – where were you?

Loca Shading






Coffee Cup

Fresh Direct

Randall Parker Foods

Angus Steakhouse

Next date for the Diary …

13th November – Run in the Dark Battersea – in Aid of the Mark Pollock Trust

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