Mud Monsters

“Mum – you stuck your finger up my butt” one of the guys exclaimed suddenly letting go of Wedson’s helping hand to protect his nether regions!

Mum was at the bottom of the mud pit with a bottom in her face trying her best to escape both! ‘Not the first time she’ laughs as she continues to try and push him up and out.

The team spirit on the Mud Monsters was fantastic – infact at some points we were doubled up with laughter unable to run … or even breath and it all started with a fantastic warm up by crazy girl in red from Boot camp RevolutionNormal warms up consist of awkward stretching and out of time bobbing. Not here – crazy girl in red just went wild and so did everyone else singing along at the same time. Google search of doo de do doo de do wasn’t very helpful but luckily Shazam was able to tell me it was Chelsea Dagger by The Fratellis – it’s now on my long run playlist!

So, we were off and it didn’t take long for us to hit the mud – and I’m not just talking about ankle deep sticky squishy mud … I mean waist deep thick squelchy clay mud that you struggled to wade through followed by a vertical bank exit.

It was impossible to climb out of the bank without assistance and in true mud run fashion there were loads of fab competitors on hand to help drag you up and out. Wedson, kindly offered me his leg. I looked longingly at all the other girls next to me who with a helping hand, gracefully leapt out in just two large bounds. Yet here I was, clinging to Wedson leg whilst belly crawling up the bank. Of course the most difficult decision was what to do when reaching his knee? I chose to claw at the earth and risk sliding back down rather than be faced (quite literally) with a surprise encounter whilst clinging to his thigh!

We continued around the course facing various muddy challenges until one point when we were able to pick up some speed with a short jog across the field. Wedson tells me I set off at quite a pace, however, I was blissfully unaware and continued my conversation despite him not actually being present! The obstacle was a narrow underground tunnel with only a tractor tire marking the hole in the ground. Follow the white rabbit!

Sat on the side of a pond was a very trim professional looking competitor. She had a look of determination on her face as she contemplated an ice cold swim through some murky water. ‘What the F is that?’ She screamed out suddenly. Our eyes widened with apprehension! Too scared to find out the answer we gallantly ran away – quickly!

The slide was next and this gave us an opportunity to clean ourselves as they squirted copious amounts of ‘go faster grease’ aka washing up liquid, down the black tarp. Big kid Wedson enjoyed it so much that he went down twice!

We managed to remain clean for all of two minutes before we hit mud again! This time it was a giant cargo net over the top of a mud pit. The best advice for tackling these is bum up and head down otherwise your head and hair gets snagged. Of course this doesn’t make it easy to see … and when the guy ahead of me lost his footing and slipped back down he end up sitting on my head!

Usually I’m a goodness girl … as in oh my goodness what has happened … however on this occasion I’m afraid I yelled ‘oh my god you’ve got your arse in my face’! To which everyone fell about laughing … all except me!

By now my neatly braided hair resembled two hard muddy spears and my pretty fringe was plastered back over my forehead. As a joke I asked a couple of spectating girls if my hair looked ok. Mouths agape they just stared at me in horror. Well at least I thought I was funny!

Everyone was beginning to flag but I could hear the music at the finish getting louder and louder. ‘Run to the music’ I started shouting and we all picked up pace. With the finish line in sight Wedson and I searched for a clean patch somewhere on our clothes or body that we could use to wipe our faces for the finish line cameras. Being unsuccessful we sufficed with pulling our joggers up and sprinting triumphantly to the finish. Arms in the air and giant goofy grins on our faces we searched the crowds for the finish cameras and our loyal supporters.

No one … not one person was there apart for the medal lady who said we looked lovely! I raised my eyebrows in disbelief – although she wouldn’t have known – a thick layer of dried mud covered them which simply cracked at the gesture.

Seconds later I spotted the camera man taking photos with the mud monster background. ‘Quick – let’s get our photos’ I shouted at Wedson half dragging him over.

Proudly we stood with medals in mouths delighted to have completed one of the muddiest and toughest OCR’s I’ve ever done. I felt amazing and thought we looked fabulous … until reviewing the photos later when I realised we both sported belly faces! At least mine was grinning 😀 … Wedson’s belly face was still in shock! 😮

The race was done and over taking 2hrs to complete the gruelling 5k. We made our way to the cold water showers which seemed surprisingly warm. In usual mud run fashion everyone stripped down to their undies and I giggled as I looked around at everyone coyly trying to hide their wobbly bits. Most people aspire to achieve a beach body … mud runners work hard to get a ‘mud run shower body’!

Cold but happy we found our families and headed off to the pub for a well earned g&t (and hot drink).

As usual – amazing event with great support from the marshals. A particular thanks to the teenage blond lady with blue tribal face stripes and jelly baby guy who had to endure getting his fingers slavered on by every muddy runner.

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